“Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.” -Viktor Frankl
In the beginning of 2013 I was so sick I didn’t even write a New Year’s post. I was so depressed, and so very, very ill. (yes, I know this one is a few days late, but it’s still the beginning of the year, right)
So what will the 2014 bring? I’m not sure, but I know it will be a change.
Nothing is ever permanent. I may feel I’m always sick and feel horrible, but if I look at every day, every moment, that isn’t true. It’s not a constant. Life is not constant. I want to remember this, and work at being mindful about each moment.
I don’t want to make resolutions, because, let’s face it, very few resolutions are actually carried through. But there are a few things I want to strive for….if I don’t get there, it’s OK. Things change.
- As I’ve already said, I want to be more mindful about each moment. If I’m doing something I want to really pay attention to what I’m doing. I do not want to multi-task. I want to be present in the moment, each moment.
- I’m trying to eat much less meat. I know this is going to be a challenge because of my food limitations, but I feel the need to do this. One day recently I realized if I had to kill the animals we were eating I wouldn’t eat them. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but I didn’t really take it to heart. But now, I simply feel I need to do this…so I’m going to try. I’m taking it slow, and I’m not going to go crazy if I happen to have a bit of meat…just one moment at a time. (I am still eating eggs…trying to only get pasture raised, and I’m eating some dairy…trying to only eat dairy from a local farm where I know how the cows are treated.)
- I want to meditate more…I’d like to do this much more regularly than I have been. I have found that this really helps me when I’m having a vertigo or asthma attack. I can calm myself and that makes things much easier to get through. However, I’ve found it is hard for me to meditate for long times, at least for now…so I will start off slowly (if I strive for a couple of minutes, then I’m sure I can succeed) and work my way up..
- I want to become happier with my appearance as I am now. I’ve been so obsessed about losing weight, it has caused me to have very negative feeling about myself. Yes, I haven’t been able to lose weight because of mitigating circumstances (like not being able to exercise, and taking meds that cause weight gain), but I blamed myself. I feel if I feel better about myself the size I am I will have accomplished a lot! I also feel that until I feel more self-confidence about my appearance, it will make it harder for me to lose weight. That may sound counter intuitive, but when I’m unhappy with my body I get discouraged, and think why bother. Discouragement, breads self-deprecation for me.
- I’d like to blog more. This past year was very hard, I can think of a few reasons it was harder than normal, and hopefully these things will be changing soon. (for example…Stuart getting a job, me getting the asthma under control….) I don’t like to always sound like someone who is just full of heartache when I blog, so I didn’t blog as much. I have found that I need to share more with others, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone out there may be feeling the same way.
- And I’d like to challenge myself more. I know I will have to do this when Stuart goes to work out of the home, but I think it will be good for me. Sometimes, I feel I rely on him too much. It’s much easier to ask him for help with something than to risk doing it myself. My mantra on this must be….”slow, take it slow.”
There are many more things I could add to this, but as I said, this isn’t a list of resolutions, just some plans that may change as the moment changes.
note: for some reason WordPress would not let me insert a picture in this post…sorry for just words, words and more words.
Picnic with Ants 
The only thing I think is missing from your “strivings” Wendy is CREATING with your art. Don’t neglect your soul!
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Judy,
I promise I’m not neglecting my creativity or my soul. A lot of the mindfulness and meditation is nurturing my soul, and hopefully I can get out in nature more to feed it even more. I am doodling more again, and I have been playing around some with calligraphy and writing in a journal with sketches. I didn’t put it as one of my “strivings” or “intentions” because I’m already doing it. I just haven’t been sharing it as much….not that I should strive for.
thanks for thinking of me.
love to you
wendy
(just read a bunch of your post yesterday….I’m so behind, I’m sorry….read from my phone though, I need to go back and comment some…..I also should add….strive to be a better reader and friend to my on-line friends.)
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I am really enjoying your blog so far! I appreciate the honesty and support your wish for being attentive to what’s in front of you. I too hope to blog more, but this year, I hope to read more than I write. Therefore, your “blog more” supports my goal nicely! Nice to meet you, Kate
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Another blogger called resolutions, “intentions,” giving them more of a fluidity, but with commitment.
Simple, short meditations can help heal the soul and the spirit. Just like 5 minute visualizations are better than none.
You’ve already taken steps within your intentions. May the path be smooth, and the map clear.
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I’m actually surprised at how I’m handling things differently. I didn’t realize I was still reacting to certain things like I used to, I thought I was past that. (like getting upset when Stuart tells me that me being ill is hard on him sometimes) I want him to talk about it, but I used to get so panicky. I’d decided I was too much of a burden and want to leave…ect. Today, he told me about something, and he thought there was no solution, that he needed to suck it up and it would be ok. But he was so scared. (it was about me flying…heck, I’ve been scared too, but now as bad as he was) I listened, and didn’t react like he thought, we talked, I threw out some things…he said I was trying to fix it like he does….I admitted it sounded that way, I was just shooting out little thoughts to get his mind working. He liked that. And we came up with a solution, I don’t have to go. He can check out places to live, and send me pictures and things. it will be much easier for me when we drive out, and hopefully by then my asthma will feel better.
So….meditation and mindfulness is really helping. Yay!! I even think I’m making some of it a habit. I read some Buddhist motivational, or studies every night. Even if it’s just a little. (and I’ve not eaten meat since the little bit of bacon we put in the collards on New Year’s Day.)
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I’m still in the stone age when it comes to how digitally folks can be connected. Hubby’s computer was too old, and my lap top doesn’t have a camera, we have no smart phones or tablets. I never thought of the virtual option! With the right technology, can he stream live? I mean like they do on the tv shows with Skype and all that.
This takes the pressure off both of you in terms of the visit, and if you can see potential places to live, neighborhoods, etc. you can help make choices.
And, you still snagged some new clothes.
I’ll email you. Glad your practices are really helping you deal with things. That’s great!
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Wendy it sounds like you are staring the year off on a great note! The goals/intentions that you have listed are admirable, and certainly attainable. Hopefully you can re-read this post in moments of despair and be reminded of your positivity. Even small steps in the direction you want to go, are still steps!! Wishing you all the love and support in the world as you work to manifest these things for yourself. You can DO IT!!! xx
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I Can Do It!!! Or some form of it! So far, my incentives have come second nature, that’s a good feeling.
You can Do It too….what ever it is you want to do! I believe. We may have to take it slow, but we can do it!!
(I sound like Rosy the Riveter)
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Hi Wendy, I really like your idea of keeping in the moment, mediating and taking care of yourself. Taking it slow is always a good thing. I’m trying to write again, and read a few posts to begin with. Take care and stay safe.
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