If I could feel the way I have since New Year’s Eve Eve, December 23rd, minus the migraines, I would be very happy!
Every day for the past….I don’t know how many…days I’ve woken up with a migraine. Most days I can take something, and it ebbs enough that I can do something, often I have to take something numerous times a day, but at least it has been tolerable after taking the medication. Unfortunately, one of my medications, I can only get 18 a month, so if I have to take 2 a day to help with the headaches they won’t last very long. My doctor said we need to wait 3 months after surgery to start trying new treatments for the migraines. We need to see what this will do first. One month down! Just two more to go! (this is the first day since the 30th, that I have spent the day in bed. My head hasn’t eased up much today, for a little bit here and there…like now..but most of the day I’ve spent in darkness with a warm hat on my head (I found this helps, I don’t know why), trying to sleep as much as possible.)
New Year’s Eve is usually very hard for me. As I’ve mentioned before my mother’s birthday was New Year’s Day, and it hits me hard. I still miss her terribly. This year, Stuart asked a couple if they’d like to join us, hoping it would help me get through the rough time, and make things happier. But I woke up with a migraine from Hell. I couldn’t stand any light, I was nauseous, and I just wanted to scream! So we felt we should cancel early, just in case the pain didn’t subside, giving our friends time to make other plans. Luckily, after much medication, I felt better. My headache wasn’t gone, but it never is, however, it was much better.
I decided to try to work in my studio a bit. Something I haven’t done in months. yay, for milestones! I got part of my mask painted, thank you Judy, I’m thinking about both my inner face and outer face while working on it. (if you’d like to know more about this please visit Judy’s blog, Creativity to the Max.)
We decided to have a special dinner that night, one we didn’t have to cook. So when Stuart went to pick our dinner up, I decided to make it very special. I set the table all pretty, and put candles on it. I even got pretty myself. I put on a skirt and nice top, and even makeup! Stuart was VERY surprised! And I have to say, I think that was the best steak I’ve ever had! We haven’t done anything like this in a long time. It was very romantic.
It was still 6 hours until midnight, so we thought we’d start a puzzle. We worked on it for about an hour, then I started to get too sore, and my headache was getting worse. So we headed upstairs, I took some more meds, and we watched a movie. By midnight I was feeling good again, and a bit frisky. (hehehe) We were watching and waiting for the ball to drop, and I started coming on to my husband….one thing led to another, and we rang in the new year with the Big “O”! Yes, it hurt, but it was so worth it! We did elevate my hips a bit, and it helped with the hip pain! Yay. (Milestone number 2!) Now, that helped me emotionally too!
On New Year’s Day it was 65F degrees here. I knew that temperatures like this would not last long, so I had to get out of the house. We needed something from the grocery store, so off we went to Whole Foods. I thought we could get the gluten free bread I like there, but nope. Every time I go to Whole Foods I’m disappointed. We started to go to the store we know has it, but it’s more than a 30 minute drive, and I was hungry and getting tired. We stopped to eat to see if I’d then feel like going, the food was good, but I didn’t feel well afterward. I don’t know what I’ve been getting into lately, but I’ve been having GI symptoms a lot!
We were both tired, and I wasn’t feeling great, so our New Year’s meal would have to wait. I can’t have Hoppin’ Johns any more any way…(very sad face). I can’t have legumes, and black eyed peas are one of the main ingredients…I really miss beans!
Here come another milestone, I cooked on January 2nd! Stuart helped a little, but I did the main cooking! So excited, I really like to cook, and haven’t been able to in months! I made collard greens (a must in the Southern parts of the US, collard greens represent money, so if you want more money throughout the year, you eat collards, another part of Hoppin’ Johns). But I cooked them a bit differently. I sauteed them with bacon, Mirin Sauce (a sweet rice wine used in Asian cooking), a little Rice Vinegar, and sprinkled with celery seeds. They were very tasty. We planned to have ham, but couldn’t find one that wasn’t way too big, so we cooked up a hot dog for each of us, and I had some left over mashed potatoes. It was actually a pretty darn tasty meal! (before everyone with Meniere’s freaks out about how much salt I ate,the bacon was low salt, and so were the hotdogs, plus I only ate one. However, I’m not sure a low salt diet has helped with my Meniere’s symptoms at all.)
One more good thing happened, but it isn’t finalized yet, so I’m afraid to mention it and jinx it. (It has to do with Stuart…you can probably guess.)
I started to make up a list of things I want to accomplish in 2012, but didn’t get far. I realize I can’t really plan much and just get upset when I can’t accomplish what I plan to. I really, want to lose some of this weight, and be able to exercise some. This I will figure out how to do! Even if I get to be just as sick as I was for the past 6 months, I’m going to figure out how to exercise.
As you see at the top, Stuart took pictures of me on New Year’s Eve, when I saw them I cried. I thought, that can’t be me! This woman is so overweight, and old. I don’t want to feel that way about me. I have to find a way to get my body image self esteem back. The picture I published at the top was the best. There is another that I feel shows every hard thing I’ve been through over the past couple of years. Following you will see a photo of me that was taken just before all of this started happening, and the photo that was taken on New Year’s Eve that I feel, shows the pain I’ve endured. I’m only showing these to show how much I’ve changed in a relatively short period of time.
**I’d like to say, the weight bothers me mostly because of the added health issues. I now have non-alcoholic fatty liver, and very high triglycerides. I will not be able to get control of these until some of the weight comes off and I can exercise. Yes, my body image has taken a bit of a hit, but my husband thinks I’m beautiful, and desirable so that’s a confidence booster. However, the fact that I get out of breath so easily, and have a hard time getting up at times. (the tub is a big challenge.) With my hip issues, added weight is not a good idea.