Scared out of my wits…

Please, no more trips to Duke's ER department any time soon.
I have just come home from the hospital.  I’ve been there for over 11 hours with Stuart.  I’ve never been so scared in all my life!  We didn’t have eggs this morning and he went to the store to pick some up.  He was gone over an hour. (we live 1 mile from the store).  When he came in the door he was pale as a ghost, sweating profusely, and couldn’t walk straight.  He couldn’t talk right.  I asked if he’d been in an accident, he said no, he just needed to sit down.  Well I knew that wasn’t right.  I got him sitting down and ran upstairs to put some pants on (I had on thin shorts), and rushed him to the hospital.  He couldn’t get his words out, he was seeing double and he started throwing up.  I ran in the hospital asking for help – I was so distraught they thought he was coding…well heck, I thought he was dying!!  (Yes, my coping skills were not as high as they usually are.  I’m just so glad Stuart didn’t notice.)
They thought he was having a stroke.  They gave him a CT scan, and a contrast CT scan, they came back normal.  They asked if he could be dehydrated.  I don’t see how. We hadn’t done anything strenuous or in the heat for days.  He drank plenty yesterday.  (and said he “had a big pee this morning.”)  (of course, when they were checking him in they asked how much he weighed and he said 120, my husband is 6 feet tall, and a bit over 200lbs.  I don’t think he was thinking clearly.)  They thought his blood sugar might be low…nope.
They pumped him full of fluids, and after the first CT scan he threw up again, then went to sleep.  When he woke up, just minutes later he felt and looked much, much better.  
The doctor said it sounded as if he may not have been getting enough blood to his brain.  They are checking his heart out tomorrow.  They will be doing a stress test MRI in the morning.  Where they stress the heart and do an MRI at the same time.  He’s in observation right now.  I came home to get some sleep, but I’m still so stressed.  My head is roaring.
When I left he was acting and looked like his usual self.  But I keep thinking how close it came.  He can’t remember his trip to the store.  His receipt says he bought 2 doz eggs, 1 box cereal, 5 sodas, and 1 carton of milk.  He carried in one bag, it had the eggs and cereal in it.  There is no sign of the sodas or milk.  I have no idea what he did with them.  I can’t believe he drove home in that condition.  And he can’t even remember shopping at all.
I feel so lucky that he made it home.  I’m so afraid to lose him.  I’m so afraid for him.  

My hearing has been down for 3 or is it 4 days now?  I’m so afraid I’m going to have an attack at any moment, then how can I care for him?  How can I be there for him like he has always been there for me?  Yet, how could I not?  I’m so scared.

Stuart’s worried about his job.  The last guy who had his job left under mutual consent because right after he took the job he started getting sick all the time, in and out of the hospital.  Stuart is still a contract employee, he won’t be full time until July 16th.  They could decide not to hire him.
He’s also upset because he isn’t happy with his job, and doesn’t fill fulfilled.  I don’t know how to help him.  I wish I could get a job and make enough money where he didn’t have to worry about how much he made.  But I can’t.

Well enough about that.  He will be getting the cardiac test tomorrow morning sometime between 9 and 12.  If it comes out ok we could be home by 2pm.  I want it to be ok, but then again, I want to know what happened.  I want it to be something small they can fix.  I don’t want to be constantly wondering if it is going to happen again.  He did not realize he was doing so poorly.  He really wasn’t thinking clearly.  And now he doesn’t remember it.  The memory lapse is really scaring him.  He doesn’t really want me to know how scared he is…but I know he is.  And I don’t want him to know how scared I am…but I’m sure he does.


10 thoughts on “Scared out of my wits…

  1. I hope these further tests reveal something that can be dealt with quickly and easily. I hope, too, that you don’t have an attack and are able to cope with this health crisis you both face.


  2. thoughts are with you and stuart. please keep us posted as you can. do your best to take care of yourself through this too. i know it’s hard but rest when you can, take a little valium if needed. times like these are when some of the rules kinda go out the window.



    1. Mo,
      I’m not too sure he didn’t get lost for a little while any way. He was gone for a very long time. Thank goodness he is back to normal, and feeling like his old self.
      I’m trying hard to take care of me. One day at a time.


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