I couldn’t even lift my head long enough yesterday to make a post.

I have lot’s of things I want to share.  Things I’ve recently cooked.  Certain Sites I’m learning a lot from.  Just lot’s of things.  But I feel so bad.

Yesterday I woke up with my head spinning.  I couldn’t even reach up to the shelf right above my head on my bed to get my pills, I had to call for my husband.  Luckily, he heard me on the first call.  I got the pills in me but I desperately had to go to the bathroom.  That is not fun when the world is spinning.  It’s so awful to need help to use the bathroom.

I couldn’t hear hardly at all yesterday, and I couldn’t stay awake.  I slept until nearly 7pm.   Waking only to use the restroom and eat a little.  I got up for a couple of hours, ate a little something, then I was off to bed again.

This is day 5 of this attack.  I really wish it would go away.  Years ago when this first started I would have a horrible attack one day, zonk out for hours, then I’d feel find.  It’s not like that any more.  I don’t know if it’s because I have bilateral Meniere’s or if things just get this much worse as you get older.

Today was supposed to be my appointment with the Naturopatic and Holistic doctor, but there was just no way I am able to ride in a car.  Especially since her office is about 40 mins away.  Plus, I wouldn’t be able to hear her.

I was reading about adult onset hearing loss today and it’s affect on people.

Here’s how I feel about hearing loss:

Since my fluctuating hearing loss often accompanies an upcoming Vertigo the first feeling I have first is FEAR. “Oh no, Not again.” is my first thought.  Then I take my medication, and sometimes the vertigo doesn’t come.  However, I almost always have disequilibrium even it I don’t have full-blown rotational vertigo.

I also have severe hearing loss in my right ear all the time, and my left ear has moderate to severe with some frequencies.  I can handle one on one conversations most of the time, even when my hearing has really dropped.  A person has to look at me, be close to me, and talk slowly. This is very hard for people to get used to doing with me, because sometimes I can hear pretty good.

I have trouble in crowds., and with too much background noise. I can start having a conversation with someone, but if others join the conversation, I’m lost and generally just get quiet or excuse myself.  If I’m having an attack, it is impossible to hear with the TV on, or in a crowd.

I have to point my good ear at a person so I can hear. That is unless I’m having an attack, then I don’t have a good ear.

I can’t talk on the phone. Even if I’m starting to hear better after an attack, it takes a long time before I can talk on the phone.

I feel left out. If people are talking around me I feel so left out, it hurts and then I get angry.  How can they just ignore me that way?  Unfortunately, they don’t even know what they are doing.

There is so much I wanted to get done.  So much I wanted to do.  How can I work on getting healthy when I can’t even stand up without help?

I feel like such a burden, and I don’t feel like I can be a very good friend.