When it Rains…..

I’ve had so much going on, not just getting ready for the surgery but other things happening too.  As they say, “When it rains”….learn to dance.  (ok, I’m paraphrasing)

quote by Vivian Green. image from - www.background-kid.com

quote by Vivian Green.
image source – http://www.background-kid.com

As I mentioned in my last post, a few weeks ago I started having positional vertigo.  If I moved my head in certain positions I had violent vertigo….left for a very limited life.  I’ve had something like this before but it was associated with my migraines.  No migraines with it this time.  After a few days I tried to get in to the doctor here, but no appointments for a few days (13 days after it started), so after 12 days, it finally stopped, the day before my appointment.  I did see the doctor and I was diagnosed have Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV).  He said this will most likely pop up now and then forever.  It is caused by crystals in your ear coming loose and going where they aren’t supposed to, the vertigo stops when they go back.  (I’m just touching on the highlights of what he told me here.)  There is a maneuver, called the Epley maneuver, that the doctor can do to get the crystals to go back, sometimes the crystals go back on their own…like mine did.  BPPV can cause one to have feelings of vertigo, dizziness, nausea, lightheaded, and unsteadiness.  It will most often dislodge again, over and over.  I’m not supposed to look up, or bend over very much, and be careful when I’m lying in bed how fast I turn over…..

Some sites do say that this can happen only once.  I know someone who had this happen once and never had it happen again.  Maybe I’ll be one of those.  (one can hope.)  I have having very strong feelings of lightheadedness, and unsteadiness.  When I turn my head too fast I am wayyyy off balance!  Johns Hopkins has a very good write up about BPPV, what it is, how it is treated, and the prognosis.  I won’t try to summarize it here when you can just read it there, it’s a pretty short article.

Yes….I have a 3rd thing that causes vertigo.  I’m such a dizzy broad!

Last week I had a real scare, it happened so fast I was just in shock the whole time.  I suddenly had pain, swelling, and a big knot (sorry it was just too big for me to call it a lump) in my breast.  I wasn’t concerned at first because I know most often breast cancer doesn’t cause pain unless it is very advanced and symptoms don’t come up so fast….I mean within hours.  But there is a breast cancer that can do this, it’s called Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  That stuff is scary!!  My doctor got me in for an emergency mammogram and ultrasound, and an evaluation from a Breast Specialist, within days.  They took a lot of pictures an it hurt like the dickens because my breast was is sore, even the ultrasound was very painful.  But I’m happy to say, I’m fine.  Even though I’m post menopausal, for some reason my hormones decided to make my milk ducts go crazy.  Now everything is going down…slowly, and the pain is going away.  Thank goodness.  But it was very scary there for a while.  I didn’t have all the symptoms, but I could have been in the very early stages, and they normally catch it at Stage III or IV.  It is hard to diagnose and is very aggressive, the normal life span is 5 years!  Yes, I’m preaching a little bit about Inflammatory Breast Cancer, I feel more people should know about it.  Here are a few links that talk about it, take the time and look over one of them.  Inflammatory Breast Cancer Foundation, National Breast Cancer Institute, and the American Cancer Society are all good site to learn more about Inflammatory Breast Cancer, they are all written in a different manner, so check them out and read the one that speaks to you.
I was beside myself for those few days, only my meditation got me through, but I still had a vertigo attack the day before my mammogram.  Even now my head is spinning (not literally this time) that I had no idea about this kind of breast cancer, and how fast things like this can happen.  I really thought that all of my chronic illnesses had made me realize how precious life is, and that I should never take anything for granted, but when I thought about possibly having this, I thought….. I’m going to stop putting off things!  I decided right then, I’m going to always live as if I only have 5 years to live.   Stop putting everything off because I don’t think I deserve it because I don’t contribute, because I’m sick all the time.  If there is something I really want to I’m going to try and do it if it’s at all, yep, I’m going for it!  I don’t want to regret that I didn’t do______________.
I really never thought I would feel that way.  I realized recently how many things I don’t do because I’m afraid of how I will feel the next day.  Because I don’t have enough “spoons”.  You know what?  I’m going to borrow those spoons from tomorrow, and of tomorrow comes and I can’t get out of bed, so be it.  There are a lot of times I can’t get out of bed even though I did do what I wanted.
I thought I lived my life to the fullest and didn’t worry if my life came to an end tomorrow, but when this scare came up, I thought…”I won’t be able to do ____________, or _____________….why didn’t I do __________….Stuart and I never got to ___________.”    That has to change.   Sure finances stop a lot, but we can’t save for a tomorrow that may never come.   Some things we need to do now, instead of saving for the bigger things later.  We need more joy in our lives today.  We need to dance in the rain more often.
On a different note…..
We went to the class about for people having knee or hip replacements at the hospital this week, right before my Pre-Op appointment (yes, I’m healthy enough go through surgery).  Everyone in my class was having a hip replacement.  The person teaching the class started by saying that most everyone there was probably there because they had arthritis in their hip I shook my head, no.  She looked at me, sitting in a wheelchair and said, “Do you have Avascular Necrosis?”  I shook my head, yes.  She said, “I’m so sorry, that is so painful.”  Every eye in the room turned to me.   I have to say, I was wondering why everyone there was able to walk in with no cane or anything.  Only one person had a slight limp.  I had to remember that I can’t judge their situation, I have no idea what is going on with them.  I was just surprised.  When they told me about this class I thought, “Really, they expect people who are having a hip replacement to sit through an hour long class?”  It seemed to be no problem for most people.
I kept wondering why they didn’t give out the hip motility items, before surgery, I know I need all of the help I can get now, and assumed everyone did.  I know now, not everyone needs so much help before surgery.   (The hip motillity items I’m refering to are the devices we get after surgery.  A walker, cane, 3-in-1 toilet, shower seat…..ect)
I do have a walker, 2 actually, one that is very sturdy and will help me when I’m starting to walk again after surgery (and helps me a lot now); another that helps me more with my balance issues, it has a nice seat and everything.  We put in a bar in the bathroom.  It has helped me a lot so far, and will continue to help me even after the surgery with my balance issues.  I’m really looking forward to getting everything else.  Our insurance covers motility devices, Stuart is going to call on Monday to see if they will cover some of these things if we buy them instead of getting them from the hospital.  The person teaching the class sounded as if they will, and it will cost less.  Also, some things they will give me at the hospital isn’t going to work as well as some things I could get on my own.  Crossing fingers here….or we may just be getting some things on our own, without insurance help.
My surgery will last at most an hour….probably less.  Then I go to recovery….they have a fancy name for it, I don’t remember it. I will have a nurse assigned just to me. I thought that was pretty amazing.  After a few hours there, I will go up to my room.  I should walk a bit that day.  It really depends on how the anesthesia affects me.  I won’t be having traditional anesthesia, I will be having a spinal block, much like an epidural a woman has when she has a baby.  I will also have an anesthesia much like what you get when you have a colonoscopy, so I won’t under general anesthesia.  Therefore, there are a lot less risks.
They will spend a lot of time with me in the hospital to make sure I know how to take care of myself when I get home.  Stuart will also be there to make sure he knows things too.  He has to be with me at home all the time the first few days.  I will have a Physical and/or Occupational Therapist come to my home 2-3 days a week.  So I can’t be slack with my therapy!  haha   No worries with that, I really want to get to moving as quickly as I can!
Surgery is 9 days away.  In the past couple of weeks I’ve had vertigo so much!!!  I hope I’m getting it out of my system.  I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to have an attack and not forget all about the rules when it is going on.  But I will make sure I know how to do these things before I leave the hospital.  I have special needs and I will make sure they are addressed.  That’s what it means to be are an advocate for yourself.
Don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch and all of that, but…..
Soon I should be able to dance in the rain with much less pain!
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