Night before last I didn’t sleep well.  By 7pm last night I was ready to go to bed.  I couldn’t sleep.   We decided to watch a show on the computer curled up in bed together.  Then about 9pm, it happened.

Stuart jumped up, “Oh no, Sandy!  Wendy she’s doing her thing again!”  I was very confused, what is “her thing”?  I jumped up and turned the light on, she’s having a seizure.

No coughing, no signs anything was going to happen, nothing.  She’s lying there with her back straight, legs straight out, and mouth tight.   She has already wet herself.  But she’s breathing.  Hard.  I keep talking to her, no response.  I keep petting her and talking to her, and trying to get her to respond, nothing.   I’m very good in a crisis, when I can do something, I started to panic a bit this time.  What am I supposed to do to help?  Finally I did get a little bit of a response by touching her tongue.  She moved her head a bit with that, annoyed, but that was it, but it was enough to show me she was still in there.  Stuart’s calling the Emergency Vet telling them we’re on our way, and getting dressed.  I’m not leaving Sandy’s side.  He’s all ready, I’m going in what I have on, sleep pants and an over sized t-shirt.  I grabbed a sweat shirt because it was chilly, and threw on some sneakers.  Out the door.  I was a mess and reeked of urine, and did not care.

We get there, and were so sad because they were a bit busy.  Not something you want to see at an Emergency Vet on a Friday night….a lot of people, most of them crying.

Sandy was acting a bit better, but she was still very lethargic, and confused acting.  They took her right back.

This was the worst seizure she’s had, and they seem to be getting closer.  They did blood work, but couldn’t get a urine sample.   (I don’t know why, but Sandy hates to pee at the Vet’s office.)   She was dehydrated, so that could have been the reason for no urine.  They give her fluids, but wanted the urine to be before they diluted it.   The blood work showed signs that she was dehydrated (this is typical after having a seizure), but it did have a couple of red flags about her kidneys.  However, her potassium was normal, and the vet said if she was having major kidney problems the potassium would not be in the normal range…..whew.   She thinks most of the tests that were out of range were because of dehydration.  They monitored her body temperature.  When dogs (I don’t know about humans) have a seizure their core body temperature rises.  Since Sandy’s seizure lasted so long, or at least her coming out of it lasted a long time (it’s very hard to tell when her seizure’s stop and her recovering, but not being able to move, starts), they were concerned her temperature was too high for too long.   Soon they gave her a lot of fluids and sent her home with the instructions….”Keep her calm tonight and keep an eye on her.”

At 12:30am we were back home, Sandy was so excited!  You never would have known anything was wrong with her!!!   She wanted to run everywhere!  “Keep her Calm”, when a vet tells me that I really should ask, “how?”   We did out best, but she had to see every inch of the house, and tried to run everywhere!  Normally, if she’s excited we can go outside for a little bit and she will calm down.  She starts getting all those good smells she has to slow down for, but last night?  Nope.

Today, she’s acting fine.  It’s so hard to believe I was sitting with her last night in tears telling her I understood if she had to leave us, that I never want her to be in pain.  I kept telling her how much I love her, and that everything is alright.  Trying so hard to sound calm.  But just dying inside.

We talked to our vet today.  She is starting Sandy on a seizure medication, and a special diet for renal function.  She does have bladder cancer, we need to keep her urinary system running as smoothly as possible.

Watching someone you love get older and change is so hard.  There is so much about her that is different from the Sandy she used to be.  I’m glad the Alzheimer’s medication works, but it hasn’t cured it. She paces a lot.  Around and around the house.  Since the first day I got her she hasn’t wanted to be in a different room from me when I’m home, that’s different now.  She often will go to bed in the middle of the day.  Just leave us, and go to bed.  She is much more of a loner dog, I’ve wondered if she is trying to prepare us in her own little way for a day when she won’t be here.

Last week, I was looking at her and thinking….she’s not the same dog.   Don’t get me wrong, I still love her dearly, and she’s still MY dog, but there is so much that’s different.  I miss my Sandy.  I swear she knew I was feeling this way because she started to do little things that were more from her normal personality than she has in a long time.  Cuddling up with me, and I’d love on her and when I’d stop she’d jerk her head back to look at me, “why’d you stop?”, it is such a cute move….so Sandy.  She’s been more affectionate, and lying in the sun more….. oh just young Sandy things.   Not old dog, Sandy things.   I love them both, really!!!  I’ve just missed my young Sandy a bit….because let’s face it.  She’s 20 years old.  That’s 100 years old for her.  She can’t live forever.  (but don’t tell her that!!!)