Tag: Agoraphobia

An Expedition – Part 2 “A Look Inside. What did I learn?”

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Meniere's Disease8 Comments

 

Courage1
by W. Holcombe

 

After listening to myself, I decided I should stop trying to figure things out when a vertigo attack starts.  It doesn’t help.

 

I can’t stop a vertigo attack.

If I try to figure things out during an attack I’m creating more angst for myself.  This is already an extremely stressful situation, adding to it does not help.  The best thing I can do for me during an attack is to try to stay as calm as possible, and ride it out.   Stay safe and take care of me.

It is now a week later, I’ve had time to look back, and think about things:

  • I noticed I was feeling antsy, anxious, even a bit manic.
  • I literally had the feeling of shaking inside. A physical reaction.
  • When I started out to get in the car I lost my footing and felt unsteady.
  • At the store I noticed the noise was too loud.
  • We planned to go for a short trip, but once we got there I decided to stay longer.
  • I had to stop more than once because I needed to get focused.  (I needed to focus my eyes on something still.)
  • I was irritable.
  • People were annoying me.
  • When I couldn’t hear Stuart I got annoyed.
  • The irritability got worse as my focus got worse.
  • When we were in the can goods aisle I noticed that I felt things may be moving.   *** It wasn’t until this step that I really noticed that I was having to refocus on things and that I was feeling annoyed and irritated.  

That’s a lot of things I could have picked up on.  Or is it?

For the past, almost year now, I’ve had a very hard time leaving the house for anything other than doctor’s appointments.  Yes, I’m a bit agoraphobic.  I think it’s understandable.  There’s a real possibility that when I go out I will have a vertigo attack, an asthma attack, lose my balance and fall, ect….   I feel safe at home.   This doesn’t mean I don’t go out.  It means I’m afraid when I do.  Sometimes, the fear wins, and I stay home.   Yes, that’s alright with me.   I’m still able to do go out and do something enjoyable now and then.  I work on it, but I still don’t want to take a lot of unnecessary risks.

Because of this fear, this sometimes paralyzing fear, I did not sit back and really analyze the anxiety I was feeling before we left, or the anxiety I was feeling in the store.  I was proud of myself for going!  I was proud that I got out of the car and went in the store!  I was proud of myself for feeling like I didn’t have to run from the store screaming!   So, not picking up on the anxiety being anything more than “normal”….understandable.

So I ask again.  What did I learn?

First, I did learn I need to think before I leave.  Listen to my body!

Is this feeling because of my fear of leaving or something else?

This time, it was mostly due to the fact that I had been put on a course of steroids and I was having a reaction I had not had before.  Yep.  I’ve heard many people tell me you can have these symptoms while on steroids, I simply haven’t had them before.  However, I was on a short pack of high dose steroids to break a month-long migraine.  It worked on the migraine.  That’s also why I was feeling a bit “manic”, and physically jumpy inside.   The physical jumpy feeling should have been a big clue.

Second, I learned that I do not do Big Box stores well.

Even if I had not been taking steroids, I was not focusing well in the store.  The tall aisles, with the repeating merchandise…..over and over….  The way the noise travels in the store….all of this, simply, is not good for me.  I learned this is a trigger for me.

Would it have helped to understand this during the attack?  NO!

Will this knowledge prevent future attacks?  Maybe

A person who has Meniere’s Disease is at the mercy of a vertigo attack.  A vertigo attack cannot be predicted.  It simply can’t.   Sometimes we have little clues that it may be starting, sometimes we don’t, but never can we predict it.   Nor can we stop it.   It is not our fault if it happens.  No matter what we do.  We can avoid our triggers to try to decrease the attacks.  We can take care of ourselves to try to make it easier to handle.  But we must remember we cannot blame ourselves.

I can never be in control.

 

Candle Lighter Award

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness7 Comments

Weeks ago Phylor honored me with the Candle Lighter Award.  I am honored Phylor chose me as a recipient of this award.  To say that I am a candle in her life who helps to light the way…this brings tears to my eyes.  How could anyone wish to be more?  I hope I can live up to this honor and light a candle in the darkness to help light a few paths along the way.

Kate Kresse, of Belive Anyway, originated the Candle Lighter Award to: . . . “light a candle in the darkness that envelopes us all at times. I want to lighten loads and light the way. I gravitate towards positive people and positive blogs. I want to start a blog award that reflects my love for the positive in the blogosphere.”

Kate asks little of the winner – to link back to her comments when the blog has been posted, and to, of course, if you choose, to pass the award along to anyone you feel deserves it. You can award it as many times as you like, all that Kate asks is that you link your post back to her site.

I pass this award on for the same reasons Kate started the award.  She stated, “I think people that are going through the efforts to be positive and make the world better through their efforts and blogs deserve to be recognized. I am always looking for encouragement and ‘light’.”

I have so many people who have been a light for me.  I wish I could honor each one with this award, but there are simply too many to list, at this time I do not have the energy to properly acknowledge you all.   I’ve decided to limit it to 2 recipients.  Two very special women whom I feel do not get the recognition they deserve.  Two women who have been through torment and trials and come out with a positive can-do attitude that lights the way for many others.

The First person I’d like to recognize is Fiona of The Agoraphobic Blog.  

Fiona had a horrific experience that brought about severe panic disorder with agoraphobia (according to Pub Med Health Panic disorder with agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder in which there are repeated attacks of intense fear and anxiety, and a fear of being in places where escape might be difficult, or where help might not be available.)

Fiona, is an amazing young woman.  She is working so hard to overcome these intense fears.  I feel such inspiration when I read her posts, hearing how she made it out and about one day.  Even on her bad days, with severe migraines or a panic attack, you can still hear her positive attitude and hope.

Said said in one post, “So yes, I have agoraphobia and Panic Disorder, but it definitely does not define who I am, I have never become depressed about it, I have got frustrated a few many times and had a huge cry, got it out of my system, and then moved on again.  This is my life, I am happy with it, it sure could be a hell of a lot easier, but who has the perfect life anyway? everyone’s life is hard at some point, mine just happens to be hard to do simple things, but I AM OKAY WITH THAT!”

In another post she said something that really stuck with me.”bad days are ALWAYS followed by good ones and I always remember that and keep it in mind.”

Thank you Fiona, for not only lighting the path for others with panic disorder and agoraphobia, but for anyone who needs inspiration!

The second person I’d like to pass this award to is Kelly from Fly with Hope.

Kelly states “I became disabled in October 2005 by my Chronic Migraines and Chronic Daily Headache (more specifically New Persistent Daily Headache). I have had frequent headaches and Fibromyalgia since I was a teenager. In addition to Migraines, headaches and Fibromylagia, I have Meniere’s disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, Tachycardia and Food & Environmental Allergies.”  To understand some of the battles she goes through read one of her most recent posts…Joy in Prison.

On her blog she shares her ” journey of learning how to manage chronic illness and hold onto Hope.”  Kelly is very involved in advocating for herself and others who have chronic illnesses.  She reaches out to people and shares this profound Hope, and deep spirituality that she has.

Her light shines through her, with every word that she writes.  She has personally been a great inspiration for me and a light to help guide my way thorough a lot of pain.

To carry on the Hope, Kelly recently started Project Migraine Hope.  Please go and check out this amazing project Kelly started where people can post videos telling their experiences with migraines and how they have found hope.  If you have migraines, or are a caregiver or loved one of someone who does, please consider telling your story.If you haven’t done so already, Please, Please for all of us who suffer from migraines and those who care for us  sign the petition that the Alliance for Headache Disorders Advocacy started to Urge Congressional Hearings on the Impact of Migraine and Headache Disorders.  This is very important to all of us who have migraines and a project Kelly has been working very hard on.With the excruciating pain that Kelly lives with daily, she still has Hope, still finds a way to be a health activist, and finds the time to reach out to others sharing her light and sharing Hope.

Again, I’d like to say that there are MANY people who have helped light my way, and given me hope.  MANY who still do each and every day.  Please know how much I appreciate you all.

I chose these two very special women because of the horrors they have been through, and are still going though, yet they still find a way to be positive and share their light with others.