Month: October 2012

A cold is not cold, so why do they call it a cold?

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness5 Comments

Opps I forgot to Publish this…*smiles*  So it’s a little out of date, but much of the info is still good.   This post was more of a Freeform post….I just sat down and wrote, if I felt like it or not and didn’t re-read or edit so please forgive the errors that I’m sure are in abundance…..so…here’s for a bit of out dated news   (I’m pretty much over my cold, it’s still hanging on with Stuart)

You will not believe this, but I thought I finally published this yesterday! I looked today…no it was not there.  I think this post is haunted….read at your own risk.

For the past week I’ve been taken over by the cold virus.  (you aren’t normally cold when you have a cold…so where did that name come from….and no I really don’t care enough to try to look it up…just pondering.)

My dear sweet husband that does so much for me caught my cold around day 4 of my dreaded mucus maker.  He is such a trooper.  I can look look at him and tell how bad he feels and how tired he is, but still he would take care of me.  I will admit, I have not been able to walk very well since I caught this virus, my ears do not like a head cold!  I started feeling  better a few days ago (ok, maybe 2), but when I’d try to walk around I’d start spinning.  Back in bed for me.  So Stuart has been left to nurse his own cold and take care of me too.  We’ve had a lot more takeout this week.  Honestly, for me, just put my meds close enough and feed me (a lot, this cold has made me ravenous….strange for me when I’m sick!), and I’m ok.  I have been sleeping more than I thought possible.

Oh, I must tell this story.  I always thought I was very careful with my medications….but I did a really stupid thing the other day.  I have my Diamox sitting by my bed because I have to take one as soon as I wake up to keep my cerebrospinal fluid regulated.  I reached for it and took a pill….then thought, that pill was way too small.  I then really looked at the pill bottle.  My prescription for Ambien had been left on my nightstand, instead of in the drawer, and I took one of those.   You can guess what happened, I went back to sleep and slept all day!  But first I decided I should try to do a couple of things….like answer some emails….not the best idea.  My husband also told me of one thing that happened that I don’t remember at all.  Yes, I thought I had always been very careful with my medication, but I will me much more diligent now!

As a result of this cold I shared with my hubby, we have decided to post pone our leaving for Arizona by a week.  We should be leaving on the 3rd now.  The cold just put us way behind in getting things ready to go.

It also postponed my hair appointment.  So it’s still long.  And I may keep some length.  The test results didn’t show any reason that I should be losing my hair, and my doctor said I may want to see a dermatologist.  But she also put me on Biotin.  I changed my shampoo and condition to one that is supposed to give you more lift or something, I got a real boar’s hair brush, and I’m taking the Biotin.  Much to my surprise, I looked at the back of my hair this morning and I couldn’t see scalp.  I asked Stuart and he said he didn’t see the “balding” spot I’ve had for a while now.  My hair seems to be getting thicker.  So….my hair appointment has been changed to Halloween.  We’ll see what happens.  Stuart said it could be a horror, or perhaps magical.   (the magical suggestion came after I told him he was mean and scaring me.)

I’m a bit disappointed we are leaving later now.  I love Halloween, and I’m not prepared for it. The house isn’t decorated, I have no costume, I don’t have the treat bags put together, and would need to purchase more stuff.  I think our house will lose its reputation this year.  (the first year we lived here we had less than 20 kids Trick or Treating….last year we had about 100, they come from different neighborhoods to come to our house….it has kind of gotten a little out of hand….but I love it!)   But I’m not prepared!  This year, the kids will just get candy.  (normally, they all get treat bags…made for different age groups…with things like pencils, stickers, Play-doh, glow sticks, temporary tattoos…..all kinds of things….plus they get candy.)  yes, my house is the house to come to!  We often have a grave yard set up with a fog machine….oh I love Halloween.  The decorations are just so cool.

Yes, I’m rambling a bit.  I’m still tired from my cold and when I’m tired I ramble….or sleep…..I think that’s next.   No wait, I’m hungry!

BTW:  I always buy my treat bag goodies right after Halloween for the next year, I don’t spend a lot….and it’s really worth it to see how the children love them.

Being sick when you are Chronically ill.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness5 Comments
image by Fukari on deviantArt.com

People who are chronically ill have to deal with symptoms every day…some days are better, some are worse…but what about when you get sick from something else.

Even a cold can knock me for a loop.  There have been many times this year that I’ve felt I’ve had a cold, but it’s only lasted a couple of days.  What was that?  At least it didn’t last long.  I keep thinking it’s probably allergies.  Now, I feel like I have a cold…Day 3…perhaps I really do.  But ragweed is really blooming here and it’s EVERYWHERE!  So maybe??

It doesn’t matter, it’s causing the same symptoms: scratchy throat, more mucus, stuffy ears, a bit of a headache, (but much less than usual when I’m sick).  Being sick, when you are already sick can cause all sorts of trouble.  My ears are stuffy…not a good thing.  I walked in the bathroom night before last and just before I got to the toilet the world moved and my world started to go dark.  This is the closest I’ve ever come to taking a complete nose dive straight on the bathroom floor.  I held onto the sink for dear life, and started squatting down…thinking if I fall it won’t be as far to fall.  I called Stuart and he saved me.  It didn’t last long, and I felt a bit guilty for waking Stuart up, but if he hadn’t come I would have been on the floor soon and preventing that is much better than trying to get me up after I fall.  He was a dear and stayed right with me.

I’m not sleeping well because of this cold thing…and that’s not good for most chronic illnesses, mine is no exception.

I can say my head has been feeling much better.  The day before I started feeling sick, the day was overcast and just yucky.  The type of day that normally sends me to bed with a category 8 migraine.  I actually went out that day!  I did not have a migraine!  Unbelievable.  So maybe the Botox is working..(crossing fingers and toes).  What ever is causing me to have less headaches I’m happy.  This week has been nice….as far as the head pain goes.  : )

All of this brings me to another question.  Sometimes when I have symptoms of getting sick, it mimics symptoms that I get from my chronic illnesses.  If you have this problem, how do you tell the difference?

For example, I have a lot of gastrointestinal issues because of the gluten and fructose intolerance.  When I have any tummy issues, running to the bathroom sick, I automatically think I must have eaten something I shouldn’t have.  or was hit with cross contamination.  But, what if it’s really a stomach bug, or worse…food poisoning?  I keep thinking it’s my fault, I ate something I shouldn’t have, when I possibly should be heading to the doctor.

Or with my ears.  I get off balance, feel like my ears are full…all symptoms of Meniere’s that I have often…but what if I’m getting an ear infection?  This has happened numerous times.  I end up getting a very bad ear infection because I think the first signs are just my normal stuff.

I don’t really expect any answers.  I try my best to be as in tuned with my body as I can, to notice if something isn’t exactly like the usual symptoms, but it’s hard.  The thought of going to the doctor and being told it’s nothing just makes me cringe.  (but we’ve all had that haven’t we) I think all we can do is try hard to keep ourselves as healthy as we can in spite of our chronic illnesses, and really pay attention when you start to have more symptoms than normal.  (doesn’t that sound strange, that we have symptoms that are just every day normal things.)

A little update on other things.

I was supposed to get my hair cut today, but it has been postponed until next Friday.  Not that I don’t like my long hair, but it’s thinning, and the doctors haven’t been able to figure out why yet.  She put me on Biotin to hopefully help some, and I may have to see a dermatologist…but that will have to wait.  In the mean time, I’m getting my hair cut to make the thinning less obvious.  (right now I have to wear my hair in a pony tail, or tied back so it’s not visible.I’m not saying I have a huge bald spot or anything, It looks like I have a wide part trying to go down the back of my head, and I can’t cover it.)  So next week, I should have photos of before and after!  I plan to get about 10 inches cut off.  I’m donating it to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

The progress with the CI (cochlear implant) is going well.  I’m hearing more, but things still sound a bit tinny.  I hear best with the CI and my hearing aid at the same time.  I’ll see the audiologist and Dr. K. again before I leave for Tucson.

We leave for Tucson, AZ on the 27th.  I can’t believe it’s almost here.  It’s been months away for so long, now it’s just around the corner!  So much to do…actually, my darling husband has done almost everything.  He’s a wonder!

One more note about the Botox….as Allison said on her blog about her experience, I’m having less expressions with my eyebrows.  I had an appointment with my therapist the other day and she actually noticed my expressions were not quite right.  I guess that’s why she gets paid the big bucks (haha) she needs to notice things like that.  It was strange to say, oh it’s just the Botox.  (she already knew about the treatment).

I’ve had another couple of breakdowns abut Sandy…I think it has actually helped some.  To get it out and not hide it, to let people know how very much I’m still grieving.  The last time I broke down (I really breakdown, can’t talk, sobbing, shaking all over….ect)  Stuart said the wrong thing.  He didn’t mean it and thought it was helpful but…he said, “This isn’t helping”.   No shit!  Well, him saying that actually did help, I got so mad it him it snapped me out of it.  He really felt bad…just awful really.  I couldn’t stay mad long, but it was a learning experience for both of us.
Sandy is still with me.  She always will be.  As someone told me, I have a Sandy shaped hole in my heart and nothing will be able to completely fill that shape.  I do hope I’m through with the complete breakdowns.  No fun, and Stuart is right, it doesn’t help.  It actually hurts me physically, then I’m hurting everywhere.  My therapist suggested some art about Sandy.  I had started some, but haven’t finished it….I have a lot of things I’ve started but haven’t finished  (I’ll take photos some time, and you can see the great unfinished works of W. H.)

I’m sure I’m leaving something out….but there is always next time.  : )

Not Just for Wrinkles….

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Migraines12 Comments

Botox is now used to treat migraines.  I know you saw me post that I was getting my shots on October 3rd….and I did…more in a moment.  However, isn’t it amazing that Botox will help migraines?  Or at least I hope it will.  I’ve been reading about it, and it seems to, I know someone who has been getting the shots for a while now and she has had wonderful results.

Botox is for people who have tried many other treatments but still have 15 or more migraines a month.  In trials it prevented about 9 of those headaches.  Having half as many migraines as i do now would be amazing.  However, I also read that people who took the placebo reported having 7 fewer migraines a month….a difference of 2…not so great.

There are a number of side effects you could have, but I haven’t noticed anything.  On the Allergan site (they make Botox, I found that funny since they are known for contact lens stuff) it says, “It may take several weeks to see a response. In clinical trials, patients showed a response at their 4-week evaluation. After 2 treatments (at 24 weeks), BOTOX® was proven to reduce headache days each month.”  I was told by my doctor (and I know others have been told this too by their doctors) that you will notice a difference in 4-7 days, normally about a week.  I hope the doc’s right, I’m ready for relief. Also, considering I won’t be able to get my second injection for about 5 months I might have waited until then for my first treatment if it takes 2 treatments to be proven to reduce the number of headaches each month.   (We will be in Tucson, AZ for the winter, so I can’t get my next injection until March 7th).

I’ll keep you updated on how my headaches are doing.  Allison, from Taking Life for a Spin, recently had her first treatment and after about a week she reported she couldn’t lift her eyelids.  You can check out her story here: Unresponsive Eyebrows.

So, how did the treatment feel you ask…what exactly did they do???

I had 31 injections….here are photos from the Allergan site showing the injection sites.  One of mine was a bit different, Cochlear Implant in the way.

Forehead injection sites
photo from http://www.botoxchronicmigraine.com/botox-treatment-expectations/
Injection sites sides.
This was a bit different on my left side due to my CI.
photo from http://www.botoxchronicmigraine.com/botox-treatment-expectations/
injection sites Occipital
photo from http://www.botoxchronicmigraine.com/botox-treatment-expectations/
Injection sites back of head and shoulders
photo from http://www.botoxchronicmigraine.com/botox-treatment-expectations/

What did it feel like?  My doctor told me it would feel like little bee stings.  Well I’ve only had big bee stings so it was much less painful that I thought it would be.  The needles are tiny, but the solution does sting a bit, and some of these areas were pretty sensitive on me, but it wasn’t bad.  I’d do it again.  : )   It went really quick, my doctor really knew what she was doing, just a few minutes and it was done.  I spent much more time waiting on her to come in the room.  : )

So like little bee stings, yeah, but remember I got stuck by the whole hive!  hahaha.  No…I promise it wasn’t bad at all, it was nothing like some of the other procedures I’ve had!!

After I got the Botox injections, I also got an injection for the migraine I had right then.  (one that had been going on for nearly 2 weeks)  So after my visit we got a bite to eat and I came home and slept for 6 hours!  What a way to spend the day…a good way actually.  The shot in the butt helped my head pain, and he shots in my head will hopefully help me to have less head pain, and I had a good 6 hours of sleep straight through.  I did feel like I wasted the day, then I thought, “What else would I have done?”

Oh….I forgot the funny part of the story! But beware…this is Way Too Much Information!

I had been having cramps and all the symptoms of having a period, with no period, for over a week.  That morning I woke up and felt fine, I thought….hmmm, guess I’m not having a period this month.  (I am 49, I’m expecting to start skipping some periods)  So I got dressed, and left for the doctor’s, we get half way there and I’m hit with a horrible cramp.  I thought….no, no, no…I didn’t bring a thing.   Of course, when we got to the office I go to the rest room and yep, I started.  Well, If you are a woman, I’m sure you’ve all had this happen at some point in your life, and what do you do?  No dispenser on the wall….so…Toilet Paper to the rescue…and pray it’s good enough for the time being.  So I went and waited and waited for the doctor, and had all my shots and 2 hours later we were leaving…and I forgot, yes, I forgot about my makeshift protection.  So we go out to eat lunch, and go home and I walk in the door and remembered.  How could I have forgotten?….well the shot could have had something to do with it, but, but, ewwww.  Luckily, it wasn’t that bad.  But I will never again assume I’m not having a period!!   Lesson learned!

A Realization

On By WendyIn Life13 Comments

For months now…oh about six…I haven’t had the desire to do much.  Blogging always helped me deal with things and I’ve found support here I never thought possible…but I just haven’t felt like it.  I’ll think about blog posts, write them in my head, but then in the day I don’t get out my computer and get in touch with the world.  I keep thinking I’m snapping out of it, and I am better…and I do think I’m pulling myself out of this depression now, but it was there sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear “What’s the point?”

It’s almost 6 months since Sandy died, and I’ve been consumed with grief and guilt.  I know I don’t have a reason to feel guilty, but all the “should have, would have, could have” questions kept swimming around in my head.  Those kind of questions don’t do any good at a time like this, but they’ve been surrounding me…all the “What if’s…”

Sandy….Happy Dog!.

I still expect to see her, and occasionally, out of the corner of my eye, I could swear she was there.  I will feel her on the bed, and nothing is there.  There have been times I could have sworn I heard her.  (Now I wonder how many times I heard noises and thought they were her and they were something else?)

A lot of people would not understand this deep grief I feel for the loss of my dog.  But she was more than just a dog to me…she was a constant companion for 19 years, my Baby Girl, my Sugar Plum Fairy…or as Stuart would call her, our “Stinky Dog”.  No Sandy wasn’t a Stinky dog.  It is a term of endearment from my husband, if he makes up a little song about you and it says you are stinky then he must love you dearly.

Stuart and (his Stinky Dog) Sandy (taken early April 2012)

Because of this lack of understanding, and the feeling within myself that I shouldn’t feel like this still, I’ve been feeling very alone with these emotions.  I hid a lot of it from Stuart for a while, but recently I haven’t been able to.

Two nights ago, I had a complete breakdown.  Nothing sparked it, nothing.  I was just about to doze off, and it started.  I ended up crying (read sobbing uncontrollably) for almost two hours.  Since then I have felt a release.  I’m still crying over her, but something broke during that night of gut wrenching sobbing.  I feel freer from the guilt than I have, I feel like I can move on….that doesn’t mean I’m forgetting my dearest Sandy Girl and everything she means to me, but I hope it means I can begin to see the sun again.  I’m kicking that little guy off my shoulder, he will no longer be able to whisper those disparaging words to me.  I love Sandy, and always will.  I know I did the best I could for her, even if i do question that sometimes.  More so, I question if the vet did the best she could have done for her, but I need to let that go too.  (However, Max has a new vet now.)

Sandy and Max checking on me in bed.

 

I know she was 19 1/2.  That’s amazing I’m told.  But just days before she died she was chasing the cat, curling up with me, and just such a happy dog.  I remember how every time she ate her dinner she wagged her tail the whole time.  I need to think more about the good memories, and remove the shroud that has been over me holding in just the memories of her last days.  Sandy brought me too much love to dwell on the tragedy of her death.

I won’t make promises that I will be here more often, but I think I will be….I need to get back to my friends, and managing my life, instead of allowing it to manage me.

(there may be many errors in this post, I just can’t read it again right now.)