Mother’s Day is very hard for some people

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness
image from farmhousecountrystyle.blogspot.com

Every year since my mother died Mother’s Day has been bitter-sweet.  Everywhere I look people are telling you to get in touch with your mother, let her know how much you appreciate her, and how much you love her.  I’m sure there are many people who have lost their mother or perhaps lost a child, or for those who have mother’s who are not someone you really want to thank….you know they are out there….and this holiday is very, very hard for them.  Just as it is for me.

This year, Mother’s Day is especially hard for me.  This year, I expected to be a mother, a foster-mother yes, but a mother non-the-less.  That dream was taken from me this past year, and it won’t be coming back.  I’m okay with this decision, but it stings right now.

Mother’s Day is also very hard this year because I lost my little baby girl….yes, I’m talking about Sandy.  I know many won’t understand because she was a dog, but she was my baby for 19 years.  She was more of a constant in my life than any human.  And yes, it may sound silly, but most Mother’s Days I got a card from her and Max.  (yes, I’m not delusional, I know Stuart sent the cards, but her little paw print signed it….and I was her mommy.)   Stuart would joke around and make a special breakfast for me saying that our children insisted that he do so.  Yes, this Mother’s Day will be very hard.

This week Sandy’s memorial bench arrived. It’s sitting on our front porch, but we haven’t been able to inter her remains yet.  Yes, that will probably happen this weekend.  Her ashes are in a little box, this will be sealed in her special box (where we kept her stuff), with her special blanket, sweater, collar, just little things we think she would have like to have.   All of these things will be sealed in an airtight container, then sealed in the bench.    In our will we have a provision, when we die we plan to have our ashes mixed, Sandy’s ashes will also be mixed with ours.  (Max’s too, but since he is still alive, I don’t want to say things like that.)

Are we strange for caring so much about how our dog is cared for after death?  Are we the only ones like this.  I hope not.

But I’ve wandered away from the point of this post.   For all of those who find holidays like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, and even Christmas hard, you are not alone.  For all of you who now someone who has a hard time during these holidays, reach out.  Everyone needs to feel a little love.

8 thoughts on “Mother’s Day is very hard for some people”

  2. Hugs to you and to Stuart. Holidays aren’t supposed to, but they can leave many of us with a heavy heart.

    And no, absolutely not, there is nothing wrong with caring about and planning for your fur babies. I think that the bench is a wonderful idea, too. I hope you and Stuart will find peace while using the bench and remembering the loving memories of Sandy.

    Maureen

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  3. Family is what you make it; its members are entirely up to you. Sandy was and Max is part of your life. Family members don’t have to just have two legs.
    (((((hugs)))))

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  5. We will also have our ashes with our pets. I went to a Doxie picnic last year and had a great time and so did our dogs! We’re going again this year, and that’s more than I can say for many family gatherings. They simply love you unconditionally and never complain, they’re always happy to see you even when you just walk into a different room and return. We’ve also driven two hours to a dog’s birthday party and we loved it.

    I have two grown children and they were each blessed with a new puppy 10 days ago, that’s our next generation of family…our total of 3 grand-dogs and we’re happy with that and more if they wish. We gave our daughter a Mother’s Day Card, and she’s happy to finally be a mother with her puppy “Belle”. Family is who you perceive it to be. Think of this: “Children are for those who cannot have dogs”. Yes, I have both adult children and dogs but don’t ever minimize the love and trust you have in these faithful family members.

    I’m far behind on reading lately, so I hope you know your Sandy would not have lived to be 19 without all the love you provided her and she gave every bit back to you. Take care and stay safe, Edie

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    2. Thank you Edie….and everyone else. I wanted to say…as Laurie said, this is a beautiful comment. Thank you again. I’m so happy to hear that others believe in keeping their furry members of their family with them even after death. (I think some people think we’re a bit strange.)

      Max still looks for Sandy a bit, but he’s adjusting much better. At times we are, but we have…our “Sandy Moments”. Now, I’m trying very hard when I get so very sad about her, to start thinking and talking about funny stories about us. It has helped a lot.

      Thank you again. And Laurie….Edie’s blog is VERY well written.

      stay safe. wendy

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