When last we spoke I was hurting too much to type. I’m happy to say that I can type again! I’m not sure I have too much to say, but at least I can type. I’m going to try to be brief here, just letting you guys know that I’m okay, and I’ll try to post more often.
For the past few months I’ve been consumed by the nerve pain going down my arms and bursting out of my hands. The pain also traveled down my back, in between my shoulder blades. I’ve had a lot of pain in my life, but this nerve pain has, by far, been the worst. I believe in accepting what comes and being okay with it. Everything changes, you just need to go with it. This pain I could not accept, and that hurt me as a person. I couldn’t accept what was happening to me, the pain was just too great. I have a much deeper understanding of what severe pain can do to you. I saw what it was doing to me, and I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t change it. How can anyone accept feeling like their hands are on fire from the inside out, every morning! I would scream with pain. I made bargains, if it would just stop I promised I’d be a better person…ect. I have never wished to die so often, and I’m not depressed. Can you imagine how messed up I’d be if I was going through this with depression? I can’t even imagine.
I was in physical therapy in January, and it seemed to be working, then I had a set back and we kind of started over. Then I felt like I was getting better, then I hit a wall and crashed. Every time we tried adding any strength training all my symptoms would return. It has been hell so far this year….but it’s getting better.
Last Monday I finally got an epidural in my neck and trigger point injections through my trapezius on both sides. I cannot express enough how this has changed my life! I’m no longer afraid to go to sleep for fear of what will happen when I wake up. I’m sleeping more than 4 hours a night. I actually slept for 10 hours one day this week! I think I’m still catching up on sleep.
Migraines are still here. Both my physical therapist and my pain management doctor think that my migraines may be so much worse because of my neck. The last two days I’ve had a very intense migraine. That’s really hard when you don’t have a rescue med that works and Medicare won’t pay for the only one that does. I don’t have thousands of dollars to spend on medication each month. So I’ll live with the pain, for now. The pain changes from day to day, hour to hour, it’s often just in the background, but when it climbs too high, I really notice. But that’s the thing, yes I’m in pain all the time, but it is constantly changing, that gives me hope. Everything changes.
Okay that’s it for today. I promise I’ll try to be back soon. I have lots of migraine stuff I want to share with you all.
How is everyone? I really want to know.