Journal Days of May

On By WendyIn Bipolar, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Migraines
from my walk on Sunday – Prickly Pear in bloom

This month I’m going to do something very different, I’m going to try to keep a running journal of the month, so you might get a bit tired of me.

The idea behind this is two fold, I want to pay attention to my moods, and really see how this new antidepressant is working; and I also want to have a goal of accomplishing at least one thing a day, no matter how small that one thing is.

I’ve been feeling pretty low lately about how little I’ve been able to accomplish because of my pain, I want to prove to myself that I am more than my pain and accomplishments come in all sizes and all should be celebrated. I’m hoping by committing to posting about this on a regular basis I will force myself to stop thinking of the things I can’t do and pay attention to the things I can.

Today I woke with the continuation of a migraine from yesterday, that continued from the day before. I had an appointment with my therapist at 11am so I took a Maxalt and drank a little caffeine hoping it would take the edge off and make the day more bearable, unfortunately, it didn’t. In the waiting room there was a lady sitting directly in front of me and one sitting beside me, they obviously new each other and were having a conversation in normal tones. I was struck by the fact that I could not understand more than the rare word here and there despite the fact that it was a very quiet room. Once again I wondered how I could meet people and socialize. When I left I planned to go by the grocery store to pick up a couple of things but the pain was so great I thought I would throw up before I made it home. I took a second Maxalt when I got home, but again, it simply did not work. I decided to message my doctor and ask if there is another rescue medication I can try as Maxalt seems to have stopped working. I am still hopeful that the Emgality will help, but I need something to get me through the moment.

Today I made it to my therapist appointment! I had a lovely mindful moment with my dog, and a few other mindful moments too. I attempted to do a Body Scan meditation, but I didn’t finish. I will try to do it again before I sleep tonight.

I’m trying hard to not focus on the fact that I can’t cook dinner tonight, or get the dishes out of the sink because my back and head hurt so damn bad. So I’m avoiding the kitchen.

8 thoughts on “Journal Days of May”

  2. Rita McGregor

    I journal every day on paper. It is nice to have a record of how you are faring because one can’t always remember when you’re out of focus, as it were. At least pain puts me out of focus. 😉

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    1. This sounds like a great idea. And accomplishments don’t care how big or small they are.

      Also, if you don’t go into the kitchen until you have to, is it ever really there?

      Hope you are in less pain and you have a replacement for Maxalt.

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  5. I think the journalling is a good idea, we can’t ever get tired of you Wendy so keep writing whatever helps! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so rotten lately; it won’t be any consolation, but I ‘get’ the feelings of frustration and disheartenment with not achieving as much as you’d want to with pain and exhaustion. I think that celebrating the smallest of achievements is something that would help, but easing off on the pressure of needing to do more isn’t easy.

    Migraines are evil. I Googled Maxalt and that’s a triptan, too – I take Sumatriptan, the only thing that will touch a migraine. Do you think it’s worth trying that as an alternative, see if it works better than Maxalt? Just a thought, if your doctor responds to your message and discusses options with you. Then again, if you’re trying Emgality hopefully that’ll be beneficial too. Xxxx

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