Stop Talking!!

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness

I can’t stop talking. I talk on the time!

I’m driving myself crazy and I’m sure I’m driving Stuart crazy.

During the day I talk to KIki (our dog) a lot. I think she likes, but how would I know? Lately I’ve been trying to figure out why I talk so much and how I can stop. I’m trying hard to notice and stay silent, but I tell Stuart everything that’s going on even if it’s not the slightest bit important. For example, just now I showed him a pdf that was a page that listed everything that is recyclable here, and told him I printed it and taped it by the bin. That was good, he’s been looking for that, I should have just stopped there. Then I started pointing out that the page had a blue background because our recycling bins are blue and it says to “Use the Blue”, I went on to say, however, the one I printed out is not blue because our printer only prints in black and white. All of this transpired while he was trying to read. How he gets any reading done I have no idea.

That is just a tiny example.

If I’m not talking I’m often slightly moving my lips because I’m actually talking in my head, but unlike most people I feel the need to say it out loud. A couple of months ago this actually got worse because of the mania, and I really noticed it then. I talked more and very, very fast. Now I’m back to my normal speech, but I’m really noticing how much I TALK! When did this start? I haven’t always been like this. What on earth prompted it?

Well I have a few theories.

When I first started losing my hearing I realized that I would often talk over people, I realized then it was for two reasons. One I couldn’t hear everything they said so I often didn’t realized they were still talking. (I wasn’t very good at reading lips, or even noticing that they were still moving….duh). I made a conscious effort to get better at that and I think I have. When I’m with others, like going to breakfast every Sunday with Stuart’s father, I don’t talk over anyone. I try very hard to understand what is being said and add to the conversation when appropriate. (hand patting back, I got that at least).

Another theory is, when I first got sick and for a long time after that, Stuart worked from home. Even at his last job he worked from home a lot. Here, he is gone all day, I’m alone and basically have no contact with people; especially when I’m having a flare and can’t drive or get out at all. I’m often texting, but that’s different. (I probably do that too much too) So when Stuart gets home he is bombarded with everything I’ve been thinking all day and everything that is happening since he’s been home. I have noticed when I’ve been in silence for hours and I suddenly see someone, like when Stuart gets home from work, I can’t understand much at all. His voice sounds all garbled and tinny. That’s just weird to me. I normally have the TV on all day trying to hear something so I’m not hit by that, but even with that noise going I still get bombarded by this garbled speech when I first see someone. Is that one reason I talk? So I won’t hear that?

I used to get so mad at him because he didn’t hear what I said. He would be watching a show or reading and just not hear, after all, he didn’t know if it was important or not. How could he, I talked all the dang time. Recently we made a pact that if we need the other to pay attention, we would let them know and ask them to stop what they are doing and pay attention., but other than that, I could just ramble, if he hears it, that’s okay, if not, no worries. I really want to stop talking so much.

In Buddhist teaching we find that talking all the time or for too long is a form of selfishness, while being easy to talk to shows respect, generosity, and courtesy toward others. Buddha saw being easy to talk to as an expression of love (Sn.143*). Listening is a virtue, not talking all the time.

So how to I stop this constant chatter? First I think I should meditate more, I’ve lost that practice along the way, not that I ever did it much. Practicing to sit still in silence has to be good for this person who can’t be silent. I know I won’t be able to silence the chattering monkey mind for a very long time, but if I can just keep my mouth shut for a while, that would be a big step forward. Perhaps I can remember the Buddha’s teaching each time I start to ramble. I shall also try hard to listen more, how can I be listening if I can’t stop talking. Of course there aren’t many people around for me to listen to, and often when I try I can’t understand what they say anyway…..part of the problem huh? I have noticed when I’ve been in silence for hours and I suddenly see someone, like when Stuart gets home from work, I can’t understand much at all. His voice sounds all garbled and tinny. That’s just weird to me. I normally have the TV on all day trying to hear something so I’m not hit by that, but even when that noise going I still get bombarded by this garbled speech when I first see someone. Is that one reason I talk? So I won’t hear that?

If all else fails, I can always tape my mouth shut…that will teach me!

**Everyone should read the comment by Kara, it is a wonderful contribution to this post. Don’t wait, go there now!

*Sutta Nipāta, ed. D. Andersen, H. Smith, PTS London 1913

12 thoughts on “Stop Talking!!”

  1. Rita McGregor

    I’m extra chatty when someone comes over because I am usually alone 24/7. But not as chatty as you because it’s usually quiet here with just Annie and I, though I do talk to Annie occasionally. Sounds like something else is going on, too.

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    1. I think many people are better at being alone than others. I’m still not used to it, though sometimes I relish it.
      Since I cant talk on the phone any more and cant even tell what they are saying on TV, it’s just all the silence. I want to be better at living in my own mind and stopping the chatter.
      Part of it may be left over from the mania, but my mom used to say I could talk to a sign post. 😂

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  3. What is wrong with you? Hahaha! Oh, Wen! I like this new talkative gal! You are so funny. Maybe you went a bit overboard with the recycling info. As for Stuart, you gotta let him have some space when he gets home. I used to let Jeff have an hour to decompress before I bombarded him with my thoughts for the day… now that he is home all day, I don’t have as much to tell him! And I still converse with my dogs. As long as you are not suffering from a manic episode there is no harm in talking. And you’ll have a lot more to say in your blog! When you are practicing active listening, as you explained with Stuart’s dad, you can do it. I really wouldn’t worry about being a chatter bug. 💜

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    1. It’s the not giving Stuart a chance when he gets home. If he talks the noise makes me sick, that garbled stuff. So I end up talking so he won’t, then it doesn’t stop. Thank you though. Loving kindness toward myself, right?
      Read your email learning on God is a great thing. I’m glad you have it.
      Love you,
      Wen

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      1. Oh! Self defense. Well, I think that makes sense then! The continuing to talk sounds like your concern? It’s just a phase. You are aware of it. Sounds like your reaction to garbled noise has become an issue, you are more sensitive. Makes sense to me because you are in a quiet home all day. It’s nice emailing with you! Interesting stuff you send my way! Love ya!💜

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  4. Dogs love being talked to, I’m sure Kiki doesn’t mind at all. My brain (with having high anxiety I guess it’s expected) seems to be talking all the time, anything and everything all at once, and it’s exhausting). I sometimes air it out and start talking, then can’t stop, but not often. Takes too much energy, and I can never find my cat when I need someone to talk at. I don’t think talking a lot is a bad thing, probably the opposite because you’re getting it out and you’re connecting; theory two with being sick and then having no contact with anyone when he’s gone for the day seems to hold up quite well. I think that clearing out your mind a bit could help, as you said with meditating more. Maybe reach out a little more often when you can during the day, whether it’s online or to Kiki, to have more regular contact. Would be less painful than removing the sticky tape from your mouth at the end of every day! xxxx

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    1. You always have the best suggestions!
      My brain talks all the time too, yep anxiety. My brain talk and out load talk is tiring. Should help is sleep better, right? 🤣
      I’ve actually thought of tape, just to force a silent day on me. I’d like that, but how would I eat? 😁 perhaps a cloth bandage. Not sticky tape.
      I do talk a lot virtually..text. chat… but it’s somehow different.
      I realized today that I am very quiet when S is asleep. I’m often up many hours that he’s asleep, our schedule is different. That’s encouraging I think. Proves I really can shut the F up!
      😘 xo

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  6. I am going to guess you are more of an extrovert since you would talk to sign posts if you could have a conversation with them, am I right?

    While it may be as simple as being alone now during the day (I would have to make sure that I didn’t bombard a former roommate with chatter right when she got home), I would suggest talking to your psychiatrist who may have some thoughts, as they always do. Since you’ve noticed it more lately and been taking new drugs, that may be a factor. Or it may be your way right now of dealing with being sick lately and the general stress and changes in your life. Stuart not being home during the day now may just be the catalyst. Where you are talking more, someone else will do an action like more cleaning, biting nails, whatever, to fill the time. Maybe it’s a form of nervous energy?

    Or it could be one (or more) of the stages of grief. Some stages have a habit of popping up now and then, you know, just because.

    Also, have you joined an association like you did before you moved for those who have lost some or all of their hearing? They should have suggestions on how you can live in your own mind.

    And no tape! Skip the tape!!l There’s a reason why people say things like “duct tape forever”. They’re adhesives and would hurt! Pain is not necessary. No tape. 😁

    Ooh. Looking through the emojis I saw one of a massage or spa day. Have you had a massage lately? I remember you having them to help with your hip, I believe.

    OK, that’s all I can think of right now. Ttyl. Love to you both.

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