Mindfulness Monday – Judging

After writing this it dawned on me that judging is not always negative. However, in this post, please assume all references to judging are meant negatively.

I found myself judging people recently.  I touched on this a couple of weeks ago when I posted on Kindness.  I realized just how much people judge others.  I don’t think many of us mean to, it just happens.  There is something, someone does, that simply doesn’t mesh with what you believe in, and, let’s face it, gossiping is so easy.  Often I find myself not having anything in common with someone I’m forced to talk with except for out dislike of someone else, this often leads to gossip, does that happen to you guys?

In Buddhism, one of the Eight Fold Path is “Samma vaca: Right speech: No lying, criticism, condemning, gossip, harsh language. Right
Speech involves abstaining from lying, gossiping, or hurtful talk.”   I find this very hard to follow.  In further teachings, one is taught that you much have Right thought: This goes one step further than Right Speech, you don’t simply not talk ill of someone, you don’t even have that thought.  Now that is something to aspire to!  If I have to do that one to obtain Enlightenment, I probably won’t be getting there any time soon.

In Christianity, the Bible states in Matthew 7:1 “1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”  (there are several other mentions of judging people, but the all pretty much repeat what Matthew has said here or they have expounded on it.  You can find out more here. 

In Islam, Allah said : “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.”, among other verses that condemn judging others.

If being non-judgmental is taught by so many religions, why is it common practice amongst almost everyone one?  Heck, most religions judge other religions and their followers.  I don’t know if it’s even possible to go through life never judging anyone, but wouldn’t it be a much better place if we could.  I doubt I’ll ever get there, but I am going to try my best to not gossip; well, I might bitch a little to Stuart just so I won’t hold explode, but other than that, I will try…I can’t promise, but I’m going to try.

(I mean how could you not judge someone who signs a car financing agreement without looking at how much the car cost?  She’s either stupid, or lying.  Since moving to Tucson I’m listening to this kind of thing a lot, I’m judging, and it’s stressing me out big time!  I’d go so far as to say, it’s making me sick.  What am I going to do?  The judging seems to be automatic, that guilt is causing enough stress, add to that the stress of feeling like I shouldn’t talk about it, I’m wound up tight as a tick!  (if you aren’t from the South, you can find out what they means here.  Suffice to say, pretty darn stressed)

Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore.  ~Unknown

The world would be a happier, more peaceful place if we all tried to understand instead of judging, paused before reacting, and gave each other the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.  ~Lori Deschene

Please don’t judge people. You don’t know what it took someone to get out of bed, look and feel as presentable as possible and face the day. You never truly know the daily struggles of others.   ~Karen Salmansohn

 

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Aqua Caliente by Wendy Holcombe    Hmmm, I’m judging these oranges to be beautiful.  Funny how an adjective that change the meaning of a word, isn’t it?

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13 thoughts on “Mindfulness Monday – Judging

  1. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.

    Truer words, Wendy! 😉 I love how you refer to Buddhism so often. In college I studied it and have since embraced it. I try to follow to path. it isn’t always easy…
    gentle hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wendy,

    Big, loving hugs to you. You have so many different stressors happening right now – moving, looking for a new home, selling the old one, living with pain from your hand to migraines – logically you know you’re stressed but because you are living it daily, it’s easy to lose sight of how much it is affecting you. Something we can all understand.

    If I may play devil’s advocate a bit. Judging is a very useful tool for us to have. What may be happening is that you may be feeling more judgemental, which is more of the negative side of judging. And you recognize that what you’re doing and feeling is more negative than positive. It is very similar to critical vs. criticise. Both require observation but critical is making observations to help you make decisions while criticizing is being judgemental of what you observed. (Thank god for double-checking with google some days.) For example, you see that someone is wearing something that doesn’t look good on them and say “hmm, if that was a different size/cut it would fit and look so much better vs. “ugg, that looks hideous on her, she doesn’t know how to dress”.

    I’m thinking that as you tick off your list of some of your stressors, you’ll find some stress disappearing. When you compare now to say, middle of September, the surgery will be done, your hand will have had a month to heal and allow you to feel more like yourself, the N.C. house is done. Not sure if monsoon season will be done yet to help with the migraines but hope so. And as the stressors are reduced, you may have a clearer understanding about the negativity. Because when you qre feeling sick and tired, negativity tends to creep in really easily.

    This is a great post. It really had me thinking. And a great reminder to show some kindness to ourselves as well as others.

    Love you. ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like the “new” style to your mindfulness posts — a personal “essay” before the quotes. It gives the quotes extra meaning, I think, to read about how you deal with the topic; what your feelings and emotions are.
    It broadens the post from quotes and a fantastic picture, to you posing the questions/reasoning that this quotes embrace.
    Not to say you always “have” to include your personal thoughts. Perhaps this is positive judging — preferring one thing over the other without “disliking” or criticizing the non-preferred. Like deciding between two thinks you like and respect because one gives you more insight. For example, your inclusion of three spiritual takes on judgement — and noting how often religions judge each other!
    I think the first quote is SO special. It’s what I’m struggling with now.
    Thank you for Mindfulness Mondays, Wendy. You are an amazing, wise woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I try not to judge, but when there are matters of finance that I see others screwing around with, I must admit, I get irritated. Then, I have to step back and realize that we all have our own agency and it’s not up to me to dictate how someone else manages their lives. I know I have weaknesses in other ways, as well. I must restate that. I have many weaknesses. I am my own judge much of the time and I am harder on myself than anybody else could ever be. I had a couple of very judgmental people living in my home. I felt like I was constantly being scrutinized. It was horrible and I was relieved when they were no longer in my home. It kind of helped me to TRY not to be that way with others. If I do catch myself thinking or, worse yet, speaking in a judgmental way I feel horrible. I often have to ask myself how I would feel if it were said to me. Wendy, you picked tough one. And I am glad you did. I do think there is positivity with some judgment. That is the kind that comes with decision making, such as judging which choice works best.

    Liked by 1 person

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