I had vertigo every day since the new year began until yesterday. Finally, yesterday the world began to still.
I haven’t been on line much. I’ve only been able to read during the slower spins, so no blogging, or anything else.
One thing happened during this spell that has me surprised and proud. After days of having vertigo of varying degrees I realized that I can handle it. Now this wasn’t a time when I was throwing up for hours on end, I was nauseous, but I wasn’t vomiting; I was just spinning. (It’s hard to explain) Living a life where the world is constantly moving, where you feel you are in constant motion, this is a life I never thought I could handle, but I can. Every time I have vertigo my biggest fear is that it won’t end, I’m not so afraid any more.
Don’t get me wrong, I do NOT want to live with vertigo. It is hell. I am not conveying here how traumatic it can be, the vertigo I had changed speeds a lot, I had spins so fast I couldn’t make out anything I was seeing, other times it was barely detectable except for the feeling of movement and the exaggeration of motion when I moved my head. (That really is a bad sensation ) I don’t think I could deal it with day in and day out if the world was spinning so fast I can’t make out anything, but I handled the slower spins well. I even handled the faster ones, but they rarely lasted over a couple of hours.
My point is, I’m not as scared. I’m proud of how well I handled this flare. The winter is really one big flare for me, so I’m sure I’ll be looking at the world spinning by again soon, but I’m not as afraid this time. I can handle it.
Hopefully, I’ll be feeling better for a while and I can catch up with everyone. I miss you when I’m gone.
Are you less afraid of your illness now than you used to be? If so, what changed?