A Rough Go Of It

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness


I’m feeling much better now, but the last 12 days have been rough.

I had vertigo every day since the new year began until yesterday.  Finally, yesterday the world began to still.

I haven’t been on line much. I’ve only been able to read during the slower spins, so no blogging, or anything else.

One thing happened during this spell that has me surprised and proud.  After days of having vertigo of varying degrees I realized that I can handle it.  Now this wasn’t a time when I was throwing up for hours on end, I was nauseous, but I wasn’t vomiting; I was just spinning.  (It’s hard to explain)  Living a life where the world is constantly moving, where you feel you are in constant motion, this is a life I never thought I could handle, but I can.  Every time I have vertigo my biggest fear is that it won’t end, I’m not so afraid any more.

Don’t get me wrong, I do NOT want to live with vertigo.  It is hell.  I am not conveying here how traumatic it can be, the vertigo I had changed speeds a lot, I had spins so fast I couldn’t make out anything I was seeing, other times it was barely detectable except for the feeling of movement and the exaggeration of motion when I moved my head. (That really is a bad sensation )  I don’t think I could deal it with day in and day out if the world was spinning so fast I can’t make out anything, but I handled the slower spins well.  I even handled the faster ones, but they rarely lasted over a couple of hours.

My point is, I’m not as scared.  I’m proud of how well I handled this flare.  The winter is really one big flare for me, so I’m sure I’ll be looking at the world spinning by again soon, but I’m not as afraid this time.  I can handle it.

Hopefully, I’ll be feeling better for a while and I can catch up with everyone.  I miss you when I’m gone.

Are you less afraid of your illness now than you used to be? If so, what changed?

22 thoughts on “A Rough Go Of It”

  1. I am so very happy for you!! The thing that happened to me was just plain time and survival combined with a deep-seated belief that even if things didn’t get better–well, things could always be worse so I had better make the best of it. Otherwise life is not worth living, you know? Trying to accept each day as it is. It took me about a year to recover from this last move and I might never have gotten any better. That’s a fact. So when I did gradually improve over time I was delighted by the small improvements.

    Nice to know that–should I go downhill again–even if I am in terrible shape for up to a year or more that I still might get better. That is information I can keep in my back pocket on bad days. 😉 But I really do try to take each day as it comes. There are always ups and downs with fibro and they can last hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Or forever. But life is still good. I have survived. I am still grateful. There is joy. Even if it is just getting through a day as positively as possible on a really terrible day. 🙂

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    1. Thank you Rita. I accepted my illness a long time ago, but the fear that the vertigo would one day come and never leave has always been something that has terrified me. It can be very horrific. But this last battle, I feel like I handled things so well, and I even sat there and thought, “if it doesn’t end I can survive” That’s huge for me.
      I’m glad you have recovered from your move. Moving can take a lot out of us.
      We’ll just keep taking each day as it comes. xo

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  2. Good for you that things changed a bit. You should feel proud of yourself. Im not as afraid when I become symptomatic. I understand that they are waves I have to surf and that its time limited. It took me years to trust that.

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    1. Good for you Alexis. It’s hard to trust that. I’m still not sure of it, but if it doesn’t leave, I’m not as afraid of that…so a win I think. 😊
      Your attitude shows such strength, I’m proud of us.

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  3. I’m glad you are finally feeling better, Wendy. I hate this FOR you! But I am proud of how you handled this most recent episode. You are amazing. Sending love and prayers.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to educate a world!”

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            1. Support must not be that easy, a lot of people avoid it like the plague.
              Maybe they think I have the plague!
              Don’t discredit giving support a lot of people run for the hills.
              Funny how those who need support are often the ones who are the first to give it.
              xo

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              1. Pretty much always, in my experience – most people tend to be emotional cowards. Running away is easier than pushing past their own brand of “survivor guilt” to offer help and company.

                As a result, we miss a lot, where community is concerned — but they miss so-much-more (in terms of authentic connection in their “put on a happy face” lives).

                We live in a world rife with EDD Empathy-Deficiency-Disorder!!
                xx,
                mgh

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  4. natalie

    Hi wendy, glad your handeling your vertigo, some days are better than others, the weather, viruses, what helped me was rhineocort for allergies, it seems my sinuses were clogged up and pressing on my ears, when the sinuses are open you do not have a clogged ear. Just a little hint. Be well natalie

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    1. Natalie, thank you for the hint. I take things for my allergies and sinuses, including a steroid spray. Don’t see a real difference in the vertigo, but it may be worse without it, who knows. I’m starting an all natural nasal spray, we’ll see if that changes things. I may be back to regular medicine in a hurry.
      Thanks again. w

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  5. Crazy, isn’t it? When it first comes on, you think that there is no way you can live like this. Then after a certain amount of time passes (and for everyone, it’s different), it becomes your new normal, and you think okay, this is it. I’m still alive, and I can do this. ❤ Still, it sucks that you HAVE to. I’m sorry.

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    1. Yes! That’s it exactly. I’ve accepted my illness a long time ago. Knew it would always come and go, but this time I realized if the actual vertigo stayed I would still be alive. I may even thrive a little 😊
      It sucks. But it’s nice to be okay with it. (Even if it still makes me cry sometimes….I said I can handle it, I didn’t say I liked it!) ❤

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  6. Wendy, you SHOULD be proud. Fear is often worse than any affliction we have . . . or don’t have. Courage is what you have demonstrated over and over and courage is ultimately more powerful than fear because it’s harder to come by.

    Good for you. I’m proud of you too!!!!!!!
    (and you deserve a cry or a pity-party on occasion!)

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    1. Thank you Judy!! That means a lot coming from you. You’ve known me for a long time.
      Fear is gone, but I think I can handle it. I’ve been saying that for days now…”I can handle it” feels good.

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    1. I’m the blessed one for knowing you. I’m so glad I could come this past weekend. I wish I could see you more. We really enjoyed the company. (It would have taken a lot to keep me away from you this past weekend) love you. w

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