Death and Living

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness

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On June 30th my father died.  Yesterday was his birthday.  I would have thought that I would be filled with sad emotions, instead I’ve been filled with a renewed lust for life.  All we know really is life and death, I’m thinking that his death made me realize just how lucky I am to be alive.  I may have a lot of hurdles to jump over every day, but I’m alive and I will thrive.

Often when you have a chronic illness life becomes so hard we don’t care to live any longer.  I know I’ve been suicidal, more often I’ve simply felt that I didn’t want to wake up.  I simply didn’t want to exist any more, it was just too hard.  Since my father’s death, I’ve realized that I’ve been wasting what life I’ve been given.  Yes, I’m sick and I can’t do a lot of things that a normal person can do, but there are a lot of things I can do, I just need to figure out my limits and live within those without wishing for things to be different.  Wishing for everything to be different makes life miserable.

Losing a parent can make you reevaluate your life.  For me it made me realize I haven’t been appreciating my life.  I realize I want to live.  I may not enjoy every moment of my life, my life may be hard, but it’s my life and I’m going to live it!

 

During this holiday season, I wish you all a life well lived.

 

**all images on Picnic With Ants created and owned by Wendy Holcombe unless otherwise noted.

14 thoughts on “Death and Living”

  1. Thank you Wendy. This is definitely something I needed to hear today. I’m sorry about the loss of your father, but I think it’s wonderful that you’ve gotten something positive out of it. Something all of us, especially those of us with chronic illnesses who limp through life everyday, need to remember. Hugs.

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  4. My dad passing on made me appreciate my life more, too. I want him to be proud of me. He was a difficult man but the parent I’m most like and I love him dearly. Wendy, I am glad for you that you view your life differently now. It IS very difficult being chronically ill. (And, I still have very low desperate days). However, there is still beauty and certain truths are revealed if we are open to it. We become different people. I am grateful to have ‘met’ you, you are a strong beautiful person. I do enjoy your paintings.

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    1. Faith, thank you for your kind words.
      I still have desperately low days too, luckily they aren’t as often as they used to be. Right now I’m dealing with life really well, hope I remember it when a low time hits. 🙂
      We are different people, not better or worse, just different.
      I am also grateful to have met you. You are a true warrior.
      I’m thrilled you enjoy my artwork. That means a lot to me.

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        1. Thanks Faith. We have to work harder for everything! Good thing I’m willing to put in the work. 😉
          I’ve had a gratitude journal for a long time. Some times I take a break from it, accidentally, but I keep picking it back up. It does the brain good. 😊

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  5. My brother passed at age 37 from cancer, he was serving in the Army at the time. I was heartbroken. However, I found that there are still times when life no longer seems like a viable option for me. I have had many health issues, most acute thank heavens. But I find I LIVE more AWAKE if there is any sense to that. I live life to its fullest with my parameters for health in place.

    I’m sorry about your Dad ‘s passing. It is never easy to be a girl without her DAD. I like how you have turned it into a lesson for your life.

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    1. I’m so sorry about your brother’s passing. That has to be hard to deal with.
      I hope life will always be an option for you. I’ve been on the dark side, I hope I don’t go there again, but one never knows. (I’m bipolar, I’m stable, but you never know). I don’t feel like my words are coming out like I want. Having a rough day today.
      Living more awake makes perfect sense. Sounds mindful. Living more aware.
      Thank you for your sympathies about my father. My sister was much closer to him, I worry about her a bit. I’m doing okay. Dealing with it my way I guess.

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      1. Maybe since we struggle (severe clinical depression for me) to find some kind of abundance in each day, we live life and know we are lucky to have it… and because life may feel very differently to us depending on the day. We are aware of that, both sides of the coin so to speak? I do know what you are saying.

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