After my last post I feel horrible I haven’t been back here sooner.
I’m not having a good time with the vertigo recently. My dear friend, Mr. Meniere’s, has decided to settle in for a visit. A long horrible visit…so this really will be very short.
Saw my psych doctor last Wednesday. She is supposed to be talking to my Neurologist (headache pain specialist) about a drug we discussed putting me on. (a good idea huh?) But it’s taking a long time. I did see her late on Wednesday so things probably didn’t get started until Thursday…but my goodness. Well, I won’t get in to all of that. I’m upset about that visit….but I’ll vent later.
I am having a better time of it. Not cycling so much now, I’ve been pretty level for a couple of days now. I’m reading more of the Buddha’s teachings, and it helps. (I’m not pushing Buddhism here….I just get very comforted when I read his teachings and try to follow the practices.)
I really need to control my anxiety. I know the vertigo is more out of control because of the stress. It is my greatest trigger for Meniere’s.
I need to have emergency plans in place…just in case. This helps relieve my anxiety about a situation I have no control over. It gives me a little control. For example, I have an emergency kit for when I have vertigo attacks. I feel my severe vertigo attacks have fallen drastically since I created this kit. I have one for home and one for travel. It eases my mind.
When I started feeling suicidal, I knew it was my illness, but it didn’t really matter. So when I cycled enough out of it to be able to really communicate with my husband, we made up an emergency plan. I know where to call, or go if I feel I am going to hurt myself. My husband put all of my medication away and gives it to me as prescribed so I will not….tempted when I fall in the darkness of my soul. We have a plan. It has helped me so much. I now feel that I am understood. My husband knows how I’m feeling, as much as he can. He’s taking me seriously, and helped me to have in place a way to make it easier when (or if?) the dark lady returns.
Today, we talked about an emergency plan if my husband remains out of work. We can’t wait until there is no money left, it will cost us money to leave here. We need to know at what point do we need to decide to leave. Where we are going, and how things will happen. There are parts in there we are pretty sure about, but we need to solidify this plan. I’m so anxious about our future I feel paralyzed. I know that it is adding to my feeling so very ill.
I’m not on the computer a lot right now because of the vertigo.
I’m working on getting the psych meds straight.
We are working on an emergency plan if hubby doesn’t find a job before we completely run out of money. (luckily we were able to get on a mortgage assistance plan, or we would be destitute before now. But right now we don’t have to pay our mortgage because of this assistance.) This will help me feel less anxious about our future.
I have much more to say….things I’ve been discovering about myself…and just thoughts in general.
Thank you all for the loving support you have shown me. I have felt these emotions all around me, and it has helped so much. We may not all know each other in person, but I promise, the loving thoughts sent from all of you have reached me. And I am eternally grateful.